Englerland

England have reached the final of the world cup, and to no ones surprise are suffering an injury crisis, and are unable to field a full fit team. Capello has his head in his hands, but Stuart Pearce tells him "I got an idea Boss - Leave it to me".

As the match kicks off, Capello is surprised to see only 2 England players on the field. From the kick off, one of the players sprints forward, tackles, gets the ball , dribbles round 6 opponents and slots it into the corner with a blistering curling shot. The other player is just running round in circles in his own half.

As play resumes, the same thing happens, and the player scores again. Once more the other player is still running round, scratching his arse and tripping over his boots. The story is repeated throughout the match, with England coming out 5-0 winners, all scored by the one player with a virtuoso performance.

A delighted Capello comes down to the dressing room afterwards to congratulate his team, but is shocked to find blood on the walls , dismembered body parts lying on the floor and Stuart Pierce dressed in a surgical gown standing over a makeshift operating table.

"My God Stuart. What have you done. Who was that player who scored all the goals "

"Well boss" he starts "I got the idea from watching a Frankenstein movie. I took the best bits from all the injured players and put them together to make one super player. That was Rooney's neck, Ashley Cole's left leg, Defoe's right leg, Lampard's brain, Gerrards heart and Crouch's head."

"That was fantastic" said Capello "but tell me about the other player, the one who just ran around in circles and scratching his arse - was he just made up of all the other working parts that you could find from the rest of the team?"

"No" said his deputy, "that was Emile Heskey."